Non-V.I.W.'S 1
by Mad Cow
Summary: Welcome to the war Unit of the Non-V.I.W.'s...V.I.W.'s beware!


A slight breeze ran through the camp, blowing Mad Cows hair about.   
She was the leader of the newest unit: The Non V.I.W.'s. They were a small group, made up of 8 soldiers, not counting herself. It all began when Mad Cow joined Forlays army. Mainly becuase most of her friends were on that side, but she began to get bored. So she became a spy for D.M.P.'s side, untill Forlay found out that she was a traitor, and Forlay put a price on Mad Cow's head. So Mad Cow became a member of D.M.P.'s side. Then she was kicked out becuase she started to...let just say seriously injure...V.I.W.'s on D.M.P.'s side. So she created her side. Friend to no V.I.W.   
Mad Cow smoothed her hair, and looked over the ranks. Nine. Everyone was there except for Joltz, the newest member. Where was she?   
Mad Cow shielded her eyes and looked over the hill they were on to see if she could spot the missing soldier.   
Suddenly she heard someone slide across the grass behind her and run into someone.   
Swwwiiiisssshhh.....CRASH!..."Oooowwww".   
Mad Cow spun around. Joltz was on the ground clutching her side and Secret was hopping around holding her foot.   
"What is the meaning of this??" Mad Cow demanded.   
"S...sorry I'm late.." Joltz stuttered. "I had to unpack, and then I had gotten toliet duty and someone got it really bad this morning."   
Everyone's eye's turned to Lady Labyrinth, who at a bunch of chorizo in her breakfast taco this morning.   
"Why must you blame the chorizo-loving poet?" Lady Labyrinth asked.   
"That's not the point," Mad Cow said. "I gathered you all here to welcome Joltz, and she was late!"   
"Ooooh!" The Lioness giggled."Someone's in trouble!"   
Mad Cow sighed. "Yes, big trouble. And your punishment is to put up with these wackos like I have since they got assigned. Anyway, let me introduce you to the nutsos. This," She said, pointing to the two girls standing off to the side. "Is your two commanders, Mousie and Falcon. Listen to them like you would to me. Mousie is also one of our unit Medics."   
Falcon and Mousie weren't paying attention, 'cuz they were arguing over who was hotter, Seth Green or Jake.   
"Jake is nice!" Mousie demanded.   
'Yeah, hes nice if mass murderers are nice! And my Sethy is real! AND you can make a pillow out of my Sethy's ass and sleep on it for 100 years!" Falcon shot back.   
"Is that good?"   
"DUUUUH!"   
Mad Cow rubbed her temples. "Mousie, Falcon, put off your squabbles. I was talking to you."   
"Oh," Falcon said, growing quiet.   
"And, uh Mousie?" Mad Cow asked. "Reality check. Seth Green is hotter."   
"YEEEES! You go Mad Cow!" Falcon triumphed while Mousie pouted.   
"Jake is hot, you can't deny that," Mousie rebutted.   
Mad Cow moved on. "Everyone's favorite chorizo-loving poet is Lady Labyrinth, the Units Sorceress."   
Lady gave Mad Cow a killer look. Then Lady Labyrinth pushed a lock of her wavy brown hair behind her ear, then put out her palm and blew on it. A small ball of fire lay suspended above her palm. "She's very useful," Mad Cow said, approving.   
"Next is Secret, the unit's psychologist," Mad Cow said, pointing to the next person in line, a short, green eyed girl.   
"Actually," Secret whispered to Joltz. "I'm really a psycho, but the unit was short of funding, and the words looked close enough, and beggars can't be choosers, right?"   
Joltz moved away from the psycho very fast.   
"This is The Lioness," Mad Cow said. "Our Unit wacko."   
The Lioness grinned. "Soon everyone will die!" The Lioness said, a huge grin on her face. "Even you! Even me!"   
"The Lioness is also our resident pessimist," Mad Cow informed.   
"Next is Fire Byrd," Mad Cow said, about the girl with the black eyes and red hair, and unusual combo. "She's another Unit Wacko."   
"All's fair in love war and fan fiction," Fire Byrd informed.   
"This is Someone the First," Mad Cow said of the girl with a sky-blue braid to her feet. It was glowing...really bright. It was hurting Joltz's eyes.   
"I'M NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH THE STAR WARS SOMEONE!! I WAS THE FIRST SOMEONE!!!" Someone the First yelled really loudly, her braid glowing brighter.   
Mad Cow patted Someone of First on the shoulder. "No ones confusing you with the Star Wars someone," Mad Cow soothed.   
"Oh," Someone the First said calmly.   
Mad Cow whispered to Joltz, "Don't mess with her, she's moody."   
"And last, but not least is the unit Mascot," Mad Cow said, and got on her knee. "COOKIE!!! HERE GIRL!!!!"   
Galloping over the plains came a huge cow-spotted dog carrying a stuffed bear in her mouth. Seeing Mad Cow, the dog dropped her bear, and began licking Mad Cow. "That's a pretty Cookie," Mad Cow cooed.   
Then Mad Cow stood up. "Cookie, this is Joltz," Mad Cow said. "Joltz, hold out your hand."   
Joltz's hand was immeditally covered with dog spit as Cookie licked her hand.   
"OK, now for the iniation," Mad Cow smiled, and then grinned an evil smile, licking her lips. "You have to eat a goldfish."   
"Ewwww!" Joltz exclaimed.   
Mad Cow laughed. "Just kidding. I saw that on _Happy Days_ once. All you have to do is say our motto."   
Joltz closed her eyes and tried to remember. "Um...Trying to kill V.I.W.'s turned D.M.P.into one, it'll work for us?"   
"Good," Mad Cow said. "Now with enthusaim!"   
"TRYING TO KILL V.I.W.S WORKED TURNED D.M.P. INTO ONE, IT'll WORK FOR   
US!!!" Joltz bellowed.   
Everyone took their hands off their ears and began to clap. "Welcome to the Non-V.I.W.'s!" Mad Cow said. Would you like a tent with rubber walls, padded walls, or a dartboard with the V.I.W.'s faces on it?"   
"Uh...RUBBER!" Joltz announced.   
"Cool," Maddy said. Seconds later the narrator realized why no one calls Mad Cow 'Maddy'.   
Anyway, Mad Cow handed Joltz her new outfit.   
A few minutes later Joltz stepped outside in her new outfit. Cow-spotted bell bottoms, a cow spotted t-shirt, all made with cotton(the fabric of our lives!) and not leather, thank you very much. She also had on a pair of Nike shoes and a hawaiian lei headband, made of fabric flowers(not plastic) of every color.   
"Alright, now that Joltz is here," Mad Cow said. "We will begin moving to our headquarters."   
"Where is that?" Joltz asked.   
"It's deep in the forest," The Lioness grinned. "So deep, that if you were attacked, no one could hear you scream!" The Lioness had a huge grin.   
Mad Cow sighed. "It's not that deep. Actually, is on the edge of no-mans land, right in between the edge of the troops. Were in perfect position to shoot down people of both sides when they're a war. We're almost never noticed."   
So the group set out.   
A few hours later...   
"Aw, shoot," Mad Cow said, looking down on a canyon. "The bridge we used to cross fell off!"   
"How are we to cross this wide canyon?" Lady Labyrinth asked.   
"Teamwork!" Mad Cow announced. "We'll make a human ladder and cross!"   
So thats what they did. Actually, it was more like a human rope. They managed to span the river. "OK!" Mad Cow yelled. "On the count of three we swing across!"   
This was fine for Mad Cow, who was the first person and holding onto the other side. But as Lady Labyrinth(who was the last person) jumped off...   
"AAAHHHHhhhh!..."THUMP!   
Everyone smacked into the canyon wall.   
"Next time we're bringing stuff to make a bridge with us," Mousie grumbled.   
They stopped at daylight(they had been traveling at night) and gathered around a tree.   
"We can't go any further without being shot," Mad Cow said. "We'll stop here for now."   
So they stopped. When nightfall came, they started going again. Within an hour they had reached their headquarters. The scrambled inside the main building.   
"Now that we're here, we'll begin. Falcon and Mousie will brief you," Mad Cow said.   
Falcon cleared her throat. "We're gonna try to get more members. We have a list of people wanting cameos, you will track them down and ask them if they want to join us. And try to cause...problems in the camps."   
Mousie picked up where Fal left off. "Mad Cow and Falcon will go with Someone the First, Secret, and Joltz to Forlay's camp. Your group name will be the Foons. I will go with Lady Labyrinth, Fire Byrd and The Lioness to D.M.P.'s camp. Our group name will be Sporks."   
"Good. Now lets break. Group battle cry time!" Mad Cow demanded.   
A "Moooooooooooooooooooooooo!" Was heard in the camps of both Forlay and D.M.P. 


End file.
